Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Have you ever committed sabotage against yourself?

You knew you were doing it, but you just couldn't help yourself?

You tried to stop, but it seems the more you try the more you do it?

For me, self-sabotage is a long running problem.

I begin to believe I will fail.

I lose faith in myself.

I get scared.

It's so sad really.

My latest self-sabatoge: Weight Watchers

(I know. I know. I know what you're thinking. You've been doing great.
And I have. And I've been thinking it to.)

But, from the moment I realized I am 1.4 lbs. away from meeting my 1st major goal....
....I have been bad. Not horribly bad. It could be worse.......
....but so far the bad has included ice cream (albeit sugar-free,) brownies and I followed that up with a healthy dose of chinese food, with the leftovers even eaten as breakfast this morning......


It's just with the impending "meeting" of this goal......

.....there is the pressure of the next goal.

~what should the next goal be?
~what's a realistic next goal?
~what if it stops working and I start failing?
~will I dissapoint those cheering me on?
~will I dissapoint myself?

All I know is......I'm mad at myself and it's driving my crazy.


Nikki said...

I do this exact same freakin' thing! I've been at the same weight for almost two months now - it's not what I want my final weight to be but for some reason it's like I just can't make it over the hump to get there! I just become so half-assed about it - eating Mexican, chips, candy that's meant for Halloween - I don't know why I'm doing this. It's like I'm almost afraid I won't be satisfied when/if I've reached my goal and then what? Or maybe I'm afraid I won't be able to do it even if I eat all the right food and keep up the exercising? I just don't know. Maybe it's just because that bad food tastes so good. I think that might be what it is...

Just know you are doing AWESOME and are an inspiration! I'm so excited for you - don't beat yourself up about a few yummy choices - I've been just telling myself - I'll do better tomorrow - so I better eat the rest of those chips today so they won't be here tomorrow!

KTluvs2Craft said...

Keep at it girl. You are doing great. You just have to get back on the wagon. I was reading the Biggest Loser mag today and one of the girl's quotes was "Before when I overindulged, I used to say 'I am definitely going to start my diet Monday.' It never worked. Now when I fall off the wagon I get right back on again" Don't put it off. Start from here and just go forward. No looking back. You have done so good. Don't let a slip sidetrack you!!!!

Tam said...

Honey I am the Queen of my dear are just the Princess. You will be fine. You have committed and have been successfull. I keep even sabotaging the committment....hey we all fall off the wagon now and then...just pick up your tatooed butt and get back on the wagon. HEHEHE

Amber said...

Dude.... DO NOT stop this. You don't give up- and don't sabatoge this k? you are doing SO good and I know you can make your next goal. Besides- you look so freakin FABULOUS!!! I think I need to start sending you some sexy panties....... :)- hahahaha

Karen said...

Go back and read why you started in the firstplace. Remind yourself about where you were. The health issues, the desire to teach your children the right relationships with food. You are already walking up the hill and the top is in sight. Focus on you and maybe reward yourself with a little something...massage, pedicure, or a new article of clothing and keep on going.
When you have days like this write about your emotions and think..."do I really want this or am I eating as a way to handle something else?"

FlipFlop Mom said...

******** <---- see these ----> ******** These are my pom poms for you... YOU CAN DO THIS!! WE ALL FALL!!!! and I know you can get up...

You're doing awesome.. you're doing this so you can see your children grow up..and their children.. and their children.. they need YOU to scrap.. and love up on all of them...!!!!

Keep up the good work!! You are STILL doing AMAZING!!!

Stacy Armstrong said...

Oh Heck! I thought you were talking about me there for a minute. You made me choke on my pop tart!! we're both guilty of this! Its one of those freaky psychological mumbo jumbo things!
If you get back with the program so will I.......Is that a deal??

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