Oh. My. Gosh....this is so funny!!!!!

So, I'm surfing around this morning and I find this letter. And it is hysterical!!! I seriously laughed out loud. I did not write it, I only find it incredibly funny!!! I hope you think so, too!!

And as far as my opinion on Always....I just hate that brand. And I just had no idea about the printed "messages" on them. I'm guessing in the throes of a bad period, I'd be pretty put off by their sentiment, as well.

So, read on......for a good laugh!!

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.? I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo." Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.? Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you f**king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Xxxxxx
Austin, TX

I know you must think I am bonkers......

but I believe obsessed is a better word for this.


So, I'm walking around W-mart, getting my new beloved tampons, because remember, I've been using the box I've had for many years, which WERE NOT for me, they were for my friends' emergencies!! So, I've been running low and they were
on my shopping list for today.


Well, I had decided on the Tampax Pearl, because, well they seem to be the Cadillac of tampons. I mean what better tampon for a ~princess diva~ like me than Pearls. (well, ok diamonds....trust me, if they come out with Playtex Diamonds tampons, I'll be first in line to request my free sample and try them out!!!)


So, anyway, while I am at Wal-Mart I began thinking....
(to my self: hmmmm....how long has this thing been in? What is the likelihood it needs to be replaced? Hmmm.....
what if I leak here in the middle of Walmart.....and as a newbie tampon user, I have still not thought to throw one in my purse.... So, I'm thinking....wow, that would really suck to have a leak right now.)


For me, leaking is a big issue, because I have in no way mastered how to know when to change my tampon. I mean, seriously. On my heavy days...I should probably use a Super, but it just makes me feel like a stuffed turkey with cramping. Now, that's fun, let me tell ya! Not. Yeah, just not working for me. So, I keep using these regular size ones and hoping for the best.


But, really, how do you know when to change it?

It's not like there is an alarm that goes off..."time to change your tampon..." OR the directions don't say, "insert tampon and leave in place until you leak or 5 hours, whichever happens first." So that gets me thinking...
I should invent a tampon that has some "pop-out" timer (yes, like that stuffed turkey) that pops out and pokes you in the leg when it's time to take care of business.
(now don't you go stealing my idea and putting a patent on it....and when I'm rich and famous, you can say....ya, I knew her when she just made cards and scrapbooks....)


But for now, the issue at hand is still curbing the possibility of leaking today.....


And then it occurs to me......
...someone had told me before that you should wear a pantyliner to prevent a problem, should you leak.

Well, that's all good and fine, but here's the
problem with that fine idea...


You see, when you are bigger, pantyliners are more like a moot point. Seriously. I can't wear them.

I put them in my underwear and within like 20 minutes the darn thing is smooshed up into a ball...right between my legs. (yea, it's not that comfy!)

Why, you ask?

Well, really, it's quite simple.
When you are "bigger" (read: overweight) like me, I guess the pressure from my ample thighs is like a playdough masher.
And as I said, it's only a matter of time before that pantyliner is history. Like I said, a moot point.


So, my friend goes to W-mart with me tonight and she buys some Thong pantyliners. And I'm thinking....thong-shape pantyliners?!?! Are they supposed to be sexy? Do people wear thongs when they are menstruating? I mean, I do not feel sexy right now....give me my granny panties and I'll be just fine! And geez...if I used those....I'd have to patch two of them together to make it big enough to be an emergency backup for anything.


So, I didn't leak.


But, I still don't have the answers.


Do you?

sorry, my friend, but I just had to blog it.....

....someone I know is considering getting a breast enlargement. (no smartie pants readers, it's not me... I have to lose a 100lbs first! And then, seriously, I don't need an enlargement. I just need a lift so I can have some good lookin' melons, like I used to have,

instead of these darn fruit rollups
8 pregnancies and breastfeeding 4 kids
has left me with!!!!!)


Anyway, since she's been thinking about it, she actually took the next step and went to see a doctor about it.


They explained to her about the sizing (which surprisingly is not in cups...such as adding a tiny cup worth or my cup runneth over...just kidding....A, B, C or D size...) They measure them in cc's. Which, if you think about it makes sense...you know a medical procedure and all. But, seriously, what does a cc correlate to? I have no idea... Does anybody that's not in the medical field know?

What she learned is the smallest size implant they even make is well, pretty sizable! :-P


Well, already this causes alarm in her because she has a smaller frame and only wants to add a little, not a lot. Ok, she wants to actually feel like she has "something."


So, they give her this "special bra" with the smallest sized boobies to try on.

***now, this is where I'd love to post her pics that they took, to ask for your honest opinions....but she would KILL ME!! So, I will refrain, unless she gives her blessing***
::hint, hint!! wink, wink!!:: ;-)

From the front, it looks nice. Different, but nice. But, she is seriously scared when she turns to the side. I mean, how does a woman of our age who has never had any sizeable boobies react to going thru puberty now. Well, just like any 14 year old...it is a shocking sight to see. And she is quickly overwhelmed by what she sees.
Oh. My. Gosh.
But, can you really blame her??


Maybe, she should consider re-reading this....
It might make her feel better....


You know, I have often joked about this as a "goal" for me when I lose my weight. And yes, I would love my boobies to come back up where they belong. (again, if you have to roll those babies up to get them in your bra....that's not really a good thing....) But, honestly, I don't know if I would ever actually do it. I mean, seriously, I even hate IV's and wouldn't I have to do that? Ummm...yep, I would.
So, I just don't know I'd go thru with it.


And, anytime you have surgery, there are risks.
Here are a list of 48 reasons not to get a boob job
that I found. (It does contain lightly censored nudity. After all, we are talking about boobs, here...)
**and I swear, they are looking at me!!!***
Do not read this, my thinking about surgery friend,
unless you are willing to be freaked out.


But, most surgeries come with benefits, as well. Or they wouldn't bother to do them. Some surgeries give you life. Some surgeries give you a second chance at life. Some surgeries give you the chance to have a different life. And breast augmentation surgery is one of those. It gives you the opportunity to live your life and feel different. Feel better about yourself. Gain some confidence. Feel womanly.
(no...I'm not saying that your boobs determine how much of a woman you are....I'm just saying that society causes us to judge ourselves so harshly. Trying always to fit in. To meet the insane standards put out there in the media.)


But the question is, do the benefits outweigh the risks?
I don't know.....


So, in the interest of being a good friend....
I'm doing research. Starting with you, my internet buddies...

Have you ever had a breast enhancing procedure done?
Were you happy with the results? Did you regret it?
Really....how painful was it?
How long did it take you to recover?
If you had it all to do over again, would you?
Do you know someone who has done this?
What was their experience?


Seriously, everyone tell me what you think.....

Anyone who wishes to respond privately, then I email it to me at stampinrox@gmail.com and I will repost it for you anonymously.......

(stacy....maybe with your job you could give us all some interesting and informative insight....)




On with the research.........


Next, I hit the internet.
I found this article on CNN.com and I thought it was
well-rounded and reliable (from Mayo Clinic.)


Obviously there is a lot of info, of every opinion on this subject. I guess the important thing is....to consider the source and only choose reliable sources of information.
Everything else...should be taken with "a grain of salt."

Oh, and beware, there are some frightening pics and info out there.....just remember to weigh both sides and
decide what is right for you......
...nobody can tell you what's right for YOU.
Only YOU can make that choice.....




After hearing those cons, it makes me want to check out
other options rather than surgery.....



Now, if you want to consider less "invasive" methods of
ENHANCEMENT....here are some recommendations of what you might want to try:


First, our "pre-teen" 1980's boobie exercises:

**endorsed in the movie Grease by Marty...

**also by Margaret (see book above)...

...so this must help, right?!

(Well, if not.....doing a billion breast exercises in front of the mirror while flapping your arms and flexing your chest walls has got to be considered as an exercise that raises your heart rate and does something for your body, right?!)

Ok, fine....naysayers.....try these:


The "super-duper push-up bra"
officially known at JCP as
Flirtitude Racerback Push-UP BraObviously, this bra has some major "push-up" power to it.
First, racer back, automatically "lifts the girls up" because of the angles that it is cut in. And it's only $15!

Then, this bra has "push up padding" to take what
you've got and "bring it to the forefront!!"

Can you say CLEAVAGE, BABY?!?!

I have some similar bras and they work wonders!




The other options I found....I am in love with this companies' cute and clever marketing ideas!
(and apparently Oprah likes their undies!)


The company makes 2 different breast enhancing products with super cute names....

The first is "Takeouts," (get it?) which are silicone bra inserts that will add a full cup size with out permanent commitment. (this is exactly what I was talking to you about, MY FRIEND, that you should get and wear them around all the time for at least a month...to see how you like the "look" of bigger boobs.) But, you'd have to be committed to the project, wearing them all the time. You won't be able to remove your inplants...ya know! (even sleep in them....it's different to sleep w/ boobs, especially if you are a stomach sleeper.)


The second is "Cleavage Cupcakes."
This is the description from their website:

What is the difference between takeouts and cleavage cupcakes?

Takeouts, our first product, are a bit softer and allow for a variety of useful placements within the bra/bathing suit (below for push up, on the sides for cleavage or just over for volume). Cupcakes are all about PUSH UP POWER, and generally are put below the breasts for oomph! Both are made of medical grade silicone and are great at what they do, with cupcakes feeling noticeably firmer and takeouts a bit closer to real breast cushiness.

Either way, I think either of those products could help you decide if you like the "look" before you take the "next big step!"

And, if she wouldn't kill me.....

I'd buy her this, just because I think it's funny!