I know you must think I am bonkers......

but I believe obsessed is a better word for this.


So, I'm walking around W-mart, getting my new beloved tampons, because remember, I've been using the box I've had for many years, which WERE NOT for me, they were for my friends' emergencies!! So, I've been running low and they were
on my shopping list for today.


Well, I had decided on the Tampax Pearl, because, well they seem to be the Cadillac of tampons. I mean what better tampon for a ~princess diva~ like me than Pearls. (well, ok diamonds....trust me, if they come out with Playtex Diamonds tampons, I'll be first in line to request my free sample and try them out!!!)


So, anyway, while I am at Wal-Mart I began thinking....
(to my self: hmmmm....how long has this thing been in? What is the likelihood it needs to be replaced? Hmmm.....
what if I leak here in the middle of Walmart.....and as a newbie tampon user, I have still not thought to throw one in my purse.... So, I'm thinking....wow, that would really suck to have a leak right now.)


For me, leaking is a big issue, because I have in no way mastered how to know when to change my tampon. I mean, seriously. On my heavy days...I should probably use a Super, but it just makes me feel like a stuffed turkey with cramping. Now, that's fun, let me tell ya! Not. Yeah, just not working for me. So, I keep using these regular size ones and hoping for the best.


But, really, how do you know when to change it?

It's not like there is an alarm that goes off..."time to change your tampon..." OR the directions don't say, "insert tampon and leave in place until you leak or 5 hours, whichever happens first." So that gets me thinking...
I should invent a tampon that has some "pop-out" timer (yes, like that stuffed turkey) that pops out and pokes you in the leg when it's time to take care of business.
(now don't you go stealing my idea and putting a patent on it....and when I'm rich and famous, you can say....ya, I knew her when she just made cards and scrapbooks....)


But for now, the issue at hand is still curbing the possibility of leaking today.....


And then it occurs to me......
...someone had told me before that you should wear a pantyliner to prevent a problem, should you leak.

Well, that's all good and fine, but here's the
problem with that fine idea...


You see, when you are bigger, pantyliners are more like a moot point. Seriously. I can't wear them.

I put them in my underwear and within like 20 minutes the darn thing is smooshed up into a ball...right between my legs. (yea, it's not that comfy!)

Why, you ask?

Well, really, it's quite simple.
When you are "bigger" (read: overweight) like me, I guess the pressure from my ample thighs is like a playdough masher.
And as I said, it's only a matter of time before that pantyliner is history. Like I said, a moot point.


So, my friend goes to W-mart with me tonight and she buys some Thong pantyliners. And I'm thinking....thong-shape pantyliners?!?! Are they supposed to be sexy? Do people wear thongs when they are menstruating? I mean, I do not feel sexy right now....give me my granny panties and I'll be just fine! And geez...if I used those....I'd have to patch two of them together to make it big enough to be an emergency backup for anything.


So, I didn't leak.


But, I still don't have the answers.


Do you?