Friday, April 13, 2007

I'm a baaaaaaaad blogger and other random thoughts...

**warning..whiney hiney post ahead**

#1- I'm in a bad mood because I woke up w/ a killer headache and I'm WAY to busy today to deal with that. I'm just waiting for the Excederin Migraine to kick in and scoop me out of the crap pile.

#2- I am stressed out over that damn house in Richmond Hill. That thing has got to sell. It's killing us financially. KILLING US. If anyone has a money tree...let me know. I need a loan.

#3- Why does it seem like I've fallen off the face of the earth for the past two weeks. Well, first, I've kinda hit rock bottom. By this I mean, I have been really depressed. The I can't hardly drag myself out of bed kind of depressed. (If it weren't for the princess and her brothers...I would not get out of bed.) I went thru the exact thing when I moved to GA. It happens at just past the 2 month mark of moving. We've reached the time when I've been gone from GA long enough that I'm more of a memory, and no longer a part of my old friend's day to day lives. (man, that hurt just typing it) *tears now* I knew it would come. In a way, I expected it. And unfortunately, it still kicked me straight in the a$$. And this time, it's largely my fault. I have not kept up with all my old friends as much as I would have liked to. (well, sorta my fault but mostly the fault of the damn phone company here, who has now made me pay for every damn call I make....rather than my GA phone company who let me have my Long Distance for free.) **this was not intended to make anyone feel bad....just trying to get my feelings out....**

Second, we have invited Ike's boss over for dinner tonight, so I have been bustin' my booty trying to whip this place into shape. (funny thing about being depressed...you tend to not stay on top of things....so I've been paying the price for that all week.) It's not that the place is a pig sty or anything, but it's harder to keep things neat and clean, when you are still trying to determine where things actually belong and unpack boxes, along with keep a family of six running. Plus, I want to decorate some, but the $$ I need to do it is tied up in that GA house, so it really sucks.

Bottom line, I am exhausted. Emotionally and Physically exhausted.

#4- Ike leaves for Las Vegas on Saturday for almost a week. Yep, while I sit here alone w/ no friends...he's gonna be in Vegas livin' the high life! (if our GA house had sold, I'd be there with him! how bad does that suck??) So, it's a news director training/convention thing, but you know they will be partying and drinking and gambling every night....... Ike and I love Vegas and it sucks we won't be together this time. More than anything, I just hate knowing he's leaving town and I'm stuck here with no back up. If there were an emergency...it would take at least 5 hours for my dad/stepmom to get here.

The ONLY good news of this whole thing is....since my house will be perfectly clean by the end of today....I'll be scrapbooking my butt off next week! Yep, it's true, the beginnings of my scrap area is done.....now it's just a matter of adding finishing touches, which probably won't happen until that damn house sells. (Have I mentioned I have a house for sale in GA?! Ha ha ha!)

#5- I had a complete meltdown last night. Between being completely wiped out and not being able to find my mom's cookbook...Ike thought he was gonna have to drop me off at the looney bin. All I could do was lay in my bed and cry. Well, until I tore off to the garage to search boxes for the book at 11:29pm, when I should have been asleep. That book means the world to me and it's irreplacable, of course. I find that I tend to obsess about things that are connected to my mom. (who me? obsess? hmmmm....)

#6- As Mother's Day approaches every year, as much as I look forward to it because it's a day for me, I hate it. It's a double edged sword, because it also means that I am face to face with the fact my mom is gone. And it sucks. And being the 10th anniversary of her death this summer....I still miss her so much. And I still don't understand the unfairness of it all.

#7- Seriously, they are forcasting 2-4 inches of snow here tonight and tomorrow. Can you believe that? News flash, it's mid-April!! Mother Nature, apparently did not get the memo!!My redbud out front is in full bloom and we have a nest w/ 3 eggs and they say it's gonna snow! I can't believe it! I guess we'll see!

#8- I still don't have not even ONE real friend here. Doesn't that suck? Well, since the depression hit full-force, I've been a complete shut-in. (and since the temp has been in the 30-40's, I've avoided going out....) Anyway, I have got to find a friend. Pray that I find one soon.....

Well, I could probably write more, but it's almost 9am and this house isn't going to clean itself. I hope everyone is doing fine....take care and know I think of all of you often. Much more often than you think......

~rw~

6 comments:

FlipFlop Mom said...

Oh my goodness honey lamb.. I am so sorry that you feel so blue... I've been depressed before to the point of not wanting to get out of bed... but it seems like you have so much on your plate...

I'm sorry for the pain of losing your mom.. :( Wish I were there to cheer you up!! I'll be praying for your other home to sell.. OK???

Keep your chin up and have FUN scrapbooking this weekend in your nice and clean home!!

BIG HUGE HUGS!!!

the real ~Roxann~ said...

FFM...you have got to be the sweetest, kindest new friend I have! I wish you could come over and we'd scrap up a storm and break in the new QK Silhouette!!!!

I have had some major depression issues ever since my mom died. It's amazing how things like that change a person. I had my first baby before she died and had no problems. Then she died. Then I went thru a major depression. And will all 3 of my following pregnancies, I struggled with Post-Partum Depression and with each child it got worse than the time before.

I'd like to write a book about it, but I'm afraid no one would buy it because....well, I'm not Brooke Shields. (she wrote a book about PPD, if you didn't know...)

Thanks so much for the prayers and uplifting words.... *crying again*

Roxann

Nikki said...

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better or smile - all I can do is let you know you have a friend in me even if we don't talk on the phone. You are one of the nicest and funniest people I know and I am so very sorry that you're so down. Please know I am thinking of you and sending prayers and love your way.

the real ~Roxann~ said...

Oh Nikki...you're so sweet. I only wish we had had more time to have hung out more while I was in Savannah, but between your job and my weekend job...there just wasn't a good time, was there? But, I feel I know you much better than I really do just because of all the super nice stuff Ike said about you and how much Ike loves you!! Ya know he wishes you wanted to go back to producing...he'd hire you in a heartbeat!!!!

Thanks for your kind words.

I'm glad we are friends!

Love, Roxann

karen said...

Roxann-
I totally understand about the lack of friends when you move. I've gone through it a few times and it isn't easy. I wish I could come give you a big hug. ( and ride in Ike's station's hummer!)
I miss you guys so much and all I can say is that when God closes a door he opens another and when you least expect it someone amazing is going to touch your life. Your mom has to be smiling down on you as the amazing mother/person she created...remember that and maybe it will help get you though. I am always just a phonecall away if you ever want to talk.

YourBestFriend said...

I understand about the mOthers day thing, this wil be my first without my mom and her birthday is the same day. We will plan that weekend we were talking about soon so we can have some good old fashioned girl fun together and get you out of the house away from the stress. Remember there are alot of people out there that care about you so you are never alone, just a few miles away. KISS

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