Sunday, July 29, 2007

Therapy update....

So, while I was in Tulsa, the therapist called my house. She said she had not returned my hubby's phone call because she did not have a signed release from me that she could speak to him about me. Well, that's all good and fine, but she also didn't even bother to return his call and tell him that and find out what he even wanted....because he called to apologize, not talk about me. So, I think that was a big "cop out."
But, whatever!

But in her message, she said, "I have you penciled in for next week and I'm willing to talk to you."

Well, honestly, I didn't know how to interpret this.

First, she had said she wouldn't see me until school started and now she has me penciled in at my normal time. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not. (as I previously discussed here)

So, after much thought...I decided to go. But, it took me until right up to the last minute. In fact, I almost chickened out a few times and didn't go. I just didn't want to have to deal with it. But, I decided I better do it. So, I went.

I was so nervous, I was panicked. I had no idea what she'd say or what I'd say, but I knew I was still angry with how she had treated me....when what happened was out of my control!

So, I walked right in and I said, "Well, I was very surprised to hear you had me penciled in for today."

And, she actually looked surprised.

I don't know if it was that she had forgotten what she had originally said or if she was surprised I was standing up for myself. After all, one of the big issues we have been dealing with is in regard to my inability to stand up to my mother-in-law for all these years.

So, I guess thru my anger with her and my trust in her broken, I felt like I had nothing to lose. So, I said what I really wanted to say..... (have you noticed I am doing this alot lately???)

I told her that I could not control what happened. I also told her that I could not guarantee that it won't happen again. I told her, in the news business, it's always unpredictable. And if something happens, such as a plane crash or severe weather....Big Daddy will be at work and I will be at home with the kids. And it will be a last minute change that neither he, nor I can control.

I told her to charge us for the missed appointments if she likes. (to which she responded, well, I won't this time since we had not previously discussed it.)

Well, I said, "Charge us if you wish."
(seriously, don't do me any favors that you'll hold over my head at a later time......)

I told her to quit asking us to get a babysitter every week, because it is not going to happen.

I told her that I knew people probably try to bs her every day.....but I wasn't one of them. I am committed to therapy. And my husband is committed to getting me there. She questions my hubby's commitment to my therapy. But, she's wrong. He's behind me 110%.

And then I told her that I did not appreciate her "tough love" approach and that she had hurt my feelings. I said, "I'm a girl with trust issues and by hurting me, I didn't know if I could continue to trust her." I told her that in response to what had happened that I went into a panic in regard to my therapy with her, because I felt like things had been progressing so well, I was very frustrated and panicked that I had disappointed her. I also felt that now I didn't know if we could move past all this mess and trust her again not to hurt me. I felt she had given me a "verbal spanking" because I was a "bad girl." Isn't that just weird?! But, that's how I felt.

I was really proud of myself for not backing down.

She was shocked to hear how strongly I had reacted to what had happened. (See, she still doesn't really know me at all!! Anyone that knows me KNOWS that I generally have strong reactions to situations like this!! Read: Drama Queen!!)

Well, I eventually agreed to try to work it out. I don't want to run away at the smallest little bump in the road.
And I think she understands a bit better where I am coming from.............maybe............

And, in this little's not that easy to just "find a new therapist." But, I'll tell you, this is her 2nd chance with me. And if it doesn't go well, there will not be a 3rd chance.

What pi$$es me off the I had to PAY for 1/2 and hour of therapy just to deal with what happened!
I definitely think you should have to PAY for dealing w/ crap that the therapist caused!!!!

Oh, well. It was clear when we tried to move on to something else, that I was having trouble trusting her. I was not open like I usually am. I was having trouble talking about things. It sucked. And I hope it gets better. Very soon.


FlipFlop Mom said...

Oh Honey.. I'm so sorry she was an armpit to you!!!!! You're a trooper... and I totally understand the trust issues!! TOTALLY!!

Your family comes first at all costs.. and she should know that!!! But do take care of yourself... you are important too!!!

Amber said...

awwwww- Roxy Poo!!!!
you're freakin awesome babe for standing up for yourself and telling her off! i'm like a proud mama!!!! lol
you'll do great. I hope for your sake she doesn't become a flake again. LUV YA'S!!! :)

Elizabeth said...

Hey Rox! I've been on vacation for two weeks (it was awesome) so I haven't been around to read your posts and I missed it so much! I'm sorry to hear that your therapist is being a butt, but I'm VERY proud of you for standing up to her! Hopefully there are no more bumps in the road for you with this therapist and I hope that your honesty with her will make her realize that she shouldn't continue to jerk you around!!!

and, BTW congrat's on all the weight you've lost so far! I'm sure it hasn't been easy, keep at it!

Stacy said...

Well now Roxio!! You are Rockin on my friend! Even though you may not like this lady, I think therapy is working. Look how you stood up and gave it right back to her. Dealing with issues with her is very much like other issues you have to deal with. You've found a few new tools within yourself to deal with the crap the world is going to throw at you. You've learned to say, "What the Hell!!"......Stay strong, chin up, and take care of #1! Remember what I always a say ( and I'm always right) She'll need you a Hell of a lot sooner than you will need her!"

mandy said...

what meanie!! I wish she could be more supportive and understanding. Makes me think if she was even truly listening to you in the past sessions becuase it sounded like she doesn't even know you! Good luck in your future sessions.

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