Monday, July 2, 2007

So, what's worse?

Feeling like your crazy or actually being crazy?

Now, forgive me, I don't mean to make fun of being crazy, but since I am being treated for mental stuff, I think I have a right to joke, in order to deal with things.
I know being crazy isn't's actually can be very sad. Trust me, I deal with these issues and try to figure out where I fall into this very wide category. (my therapist assures me I am not as crazy as I sometime feel....I'm just my own worst critic and my inner judge is really harsh....see, I am a myself!)

Anyways, so my quest today is to get an appointment with a Psychiatrist. (this is a doctor, who manages meds and can evaluate mental capabilities and issues) So, basically, this doctor will make sure that some anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression are my only issues....and I need to know.

To be honest, this scares the crap out of me. What if he determines I am nuts. What if he gives me some diagnosis that I don't want to carry. (sorry, but some diagnoses carry some pretty bad stigmas.) And, believe me, I have enough on my plate now! But, I will, as always, deal with whatever info I am given.

As I have said before, I just want off the roller coaster!
(and sometimes medical management is necessary for this to happen...I guess we'll see what happens...)

But, today I was reminded I live in a small town. (Yes, my town is bigger than Richmond Hill but smaller than Savannah.) So, anyway, there are 11 Psychiatrists listed on my insurance, but that list was quickly whittled down to 3. The first has closed her office. The second only practices every Saturday and two Thursdays a, I can't get an appt. w/ him until August 18th. The third is a Christian therapist, which I am not opposed to, but I'm a little scared that I might accidentaly drop the "F-bomb" or some version of it in front of her, as I have a tendency to do when I talk about that fu@*er that raped me.
(I just call it like I see it!)

But, I can handle it fine. I'm trying to quit cussing anyway and I am really good at censoring myself around children and my brother and parents.

So, if I break out in a #*$PICKLES*#% will this one be able to handle my CRAZY?

After all, I am just trying to protect her from me. Is it crazy that I feel the need to do that?

So, whose the crazy one now?


Stacy Armstrong ~ Come on in, The Studio is Open ~ said...

OH Count me in on the crazy crazy side......but you already knew that. blog most likely froze up this morning because I was changing everything around...and I was changing it a lot before I got it just right.
Please let me know if it continues to happen. I want it to mind it manners with your new computer. I think they'll make great friends.

Oh.......and FIRST!!

Stacy Armstrong ~ Come on in, The Studio is Open ~ said...

One more thing. Hugs hugs hugs to you. As your personal nurse, I'm telling you that you are not going to be "labeled" anything horrible. You have post traumatic stress that is being brought out to the surface during this vulnerable time while you are trying to get your blood sugars under control. Did you know that not only does gluclose levels affect your potasium levels, but your estrogren levels as well!! I didn't know that till I had that awful job at the infertility office. We often put women on oral gluclose pill to regulate their sugar so their estrogen, progesterone, etc. levels would be normal. I honest, whole heartedly believe, that when your physical (i.e. blood sugar, blood pressure) gets under control you will be able to feel more in control and be able to control your emotional rollercoaster.

I'm concerned I haven't heard the word "EXERCISE" in your new program. You are walking or doing something, right!! WHewww.....sorry for the long post. It will be so much easier when I can tell you all this in person!
Love you know that, right!

RickertsZoo; Summerfield, NC said...

Hey babe. Hate to break it to ya...Crazy is as crazy does.

The only people that ARE crazy are those NOT seeking help.

I say Lexapro in the water supply and the world would all be holding hands and singing that Coke commercial from the 70s...

Enjoy the couch! You deserve it.

OH....and my personal thought....FBombs can be cathartic if used correctly for emphasis. And if you go to the Christian doctor, at least you'll be assured more coverage in prayer each time you slip.

I wouldn't think that someone who labels herself a Christian therapist would be judgmental....Oh I know...that is exactly why I don't put an Icthus symbol on my car.

You know what is crazy? Mothers who don't think they aren't!
BTW, Do you really read these? From your wild and crazy friend.
(I figure if I begin with an SNL reference, I might as well end with one too?)

Mandy said...

I agree, it is so important to manage your "crazy" in whatever way is best for you! I think sometimes people are so afraid of meds they do more harm to themsleves than good. But you are amazing and will make it all work out!

I would be leary of a "Christian" doctor too. You don't want to have to sensor yourself at a place where you are supposed to be letting your "true self" out..front and center! Good luck. I think finding the right therapist is very linked to the pace of your recovery. But like I said you are amazing and can handle it all!

FlipFlop Mom said...

Oh girl........ you are NOT NOT crazy... you have things you need to work through.. and it's going to be OK...

As for a Christian Dr.. I think it might absolutely ROCK!!! So what if you drop the F"bomb"... Christians are who they are... NOT PERFECT people.. I know.. I'm one of them... Ü No matter where you go.. no matter who you see... be who you are.. because you my dear are a blessing... You ROCK.. you're HONEST.. and what more could anyone ask for???

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the Christian theapist has heard the F bomb before. I think its silly to worry about that. If christians were perfect they would already be in Heaven. I'm sure many of them ran home to watch the Suprano's on Sunday nights with every other word being a F bomb.

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