Dissapointed....

Well, as much as I've tried to ignore how I feel about it, the whole "scrapbook store debacle" has really gotten me down. Really down. The past few days have been really hard, I've been really depressed. I hate to say it, but it's the straw that broke the camel's back.....if ya know what I mean.....


Bottom line, I am really lonely. I have no support here. I have no friends here. I miss everyone in Savannah so much. Although, I love my new surroundings.....I miss my old life. I miss my old job.


For those who don't know me, I need friends. I love being surrounded by people. And, I haven't had that for 2 months now and it's really gettin' me down. I know it will come, but I just don't know how I will survive it if it doesn't come soon.


That's one reason losin' the job dissapoints me so much, that would have allowed me to meet a ton of people. Scrapbooking people. People who love what I love. And out of all those people, one of them could have been someone to be my friend. Yes, I know I'll find friends. But it's harder the other way.



Then in regard to what happened to me, I have a VERY tender heart. I hate for people to be mad at me. It just kills me inside. (yep, even though she overacted and screamed at me, I still don't like her being mad at me....isn't that sick?!) I guess that's part of being a people pleaser. Anyways, no matter what story she tells, the condition that I came home in that night, just 5 minutes after it all happened, believe me, even BIG DADDY knows that what I said happened, did happen. He saw it in my eyes. (well, the sobbing was a dead giveaway, as well.....)



I'm not sure what my point is....but basically, I can't believe that she lied about it and got away with it. It really makes me mad....... It's like she OJ'd me. (yeah, I know, a tad dramatic. But you do remember who's blog this is don't you?!?!?)


So, I haven't heard from the owners all week. (I was under the understanding they were supposed to call me about the "consolation prize" class-teaching job.) Well, it's been a week ago, she called and told me they chose their girl over me. (ya know she's the better choice because she can work 3 Saturdays a month!)


So, this morning on my way outta town, I stopped by and returned all the things that I had that belonged to their store. She seemed surprised to see me w/ the 2 huge bags of stuff. I said I had decided that teaching on Saturdays are no different then working on Saturdays, either way, this woman would have to deal with me. (ACTUALLY I decided that they can't have one drop of ME (and my scrapbooking talent) until they address the situation properly, which hasn't happened yet and probably never will.)



The owner told me that she knew this woman, and although she wouldn't say anything mean to me while working with her, she knew she'd give me the deep freeze. So.....what does this say about this woman???? HELLO!!!! (anyone see a problem that they are CHOOSING to ignore?!?!?!)



Somehow, although I was shaking, nervous and a tiny bit scared, I found it within myself to stand up for myself. I told her that what upsets me the most is that I feel like my reputation has somehow been tarnished by this whole thing. She assured me it hadn't. But I continued to say that my track record speaks for itself.



I told her that this felt like junior high and that I was amazed a grown woman would lie about something she did. I also told her I didn't know what else to say except, I'm sorry for your loss. Because they just lost a great asset to their store and probably the best employee they would ever have had. And I walked out the door.



I was still shaking as I walked to my car.



I can't believe those words tumbled out of my mouth to her. Sure, I sound stuck up. Ya know what? I don't care. I believe I am good at what I do. I know I am talented. I am sure I could start/maintain a successful crop program in her store. I know I could sell stuff left and right for them. I could make them a lot of money. I have no doubt that losing me IS THEIR loss.



So, why have I been letting them "win" by getting so depressed about the whole thing? I guess because I feel defeated. Defeated by unfairness. And I hate that. I don't mind losing when I deserve to lose, but to be defeated by someone's dishonesty....it's just so wrong.



Growing up, my mom always rooted for the underdog. So, by her example, I am the same way. If someone predicts one team will lose....that's who I root for. In this case, I was the underdog. The newcomer. The outsider. I tried to penetrate their inner circle and I lost. In most cases, this story is just sad. In this case, it's sad and wrong.


Ok, I promise to try to get over it, but I can't guarantee I'll never mention it again. So, please, bear with me.