LIMO?!!!!!

....more like LAME-O!!!!!


So, Jensen had a birthday.
(can you believe he's 10?!)

And for the past 4 months, he's had one request for his birthday.
He's wanted to have his party in a LIMOUSINE and take all his friends to McDonalds in the LIMO and then they'd cruise up and down the street while they eat their food and chill out in the LIMO.

Well, the last time I rented a LIMO was before Jensen was born, so I really had no clue how much it cost, but I thought I might be able to rent one for about $150. And, that's about what I would have paid for his party, anyway, once it was all said and done. The money would have just been spent a little differently than a usual party.

So, I set out to find my baby his LIMO.

Well, as you guys know, I live in Kansas. And although, I live in a city in Kansas, it's not one of the huge ones. I mean, we don't even have an airport here. (which reduces my pool of LIMO options, because we have no "airport" limousines that may have been an option in a bigger city.)

So, I consult the phone book.
(there are just some things that nothing beats the yellow pages for)

Well, as you might guess, there is not that many to choose from, but there seems to be 3 companies and so I begin my phone calls.

The first company I call, answers...."Hello?"
(this was my first clue that this one might not work out...)

I say, "Um, is this xxxxx Limousine?!?"

"Uh, YES it is."

"Oh, ok...I thought I might have the wrong number."

Pause.

"You don't. What can I help you with?"

Well, I explained what I was looking for and he explained to me they have 2 LIMOs....one traditional, one stretch H2 Hummer.
And then he drops the bomb.
They rent for $135/hr or $145/hr.depending on which you choose.......
2 hour minimum....plus 20% tip to driver.

WHAT?!?!?!

That's a total cost of over $300!!!!!!

THAT was my reality check.

I asked if they ever considered renting the LIMO for less than 2 hours.
After all, the kid only wants to go to the McDonalds drive-thru and wants to eat...how long could that really take. I mean, does he really need to drive around for 2 hours? Well, I'm thinking we get the food, eat and then go to the house to open presents and have cake.

I was quickly told that WAS NOT an option.

Well, THANKS SO MUCH FOR CRUSHING A BOYS BIRTHDAY DREAM!

So, I call the next company.

And again, I am met with a similar scenario.

Then, I call the last company.
(I am starting to feel the desperation of a mother on a budget and the thought of having to see "that face" on my child and possible tears when I tell him that there is no way he'll be having his LIMO Party.)

So, this one, a woman answers.
And, I can tell she's on a cell phone. And she's at home.
AND I can hear loud, noisy kids in the background.

Ah, GOOD!, I think to myself. She's a MOTHER.
Someone who can understand my plight and what I have now come to believe are the unrealistic birthday wishes of a child.

So, I ask about her LIMO's and she gives me the list of the 2 she has and then begins to tell me the prices. Well, her LIMO's are a tiny bit better in price....$125/hr.....2 hr. minimum.....20% tip to driver.

Still....way out of budget!

I begin to explain my dilemma to her.

And she, calmly explains to me that there is no way she could do that.
After all...she says....even if you take the car out for an hour, not 2, I have to pay $100 to have it cleaned.

What exactly was she thinking we were gonna do in this LIMO
that would warrant a $100 cleaning bill?!?!?

So, I hang up...defeated.

For Heaven sakes Lady...have a heart.

Rent me the limo for an hour

and

HAND ME SOME STINKIN' ARMOUR ALL!!!
I'LL CLEAN YOUR LIMO MYSELF!!!

FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


At this point, I'm thinking...
"How can I call a funeral home and ask in a socially correct way
that if no one has died and their LIMO is just sitting there,
could I rent it for an hour for my child?"

But, in my mind, my fear is...all my birthday photos of the
LIMO will have xxxxxx Funeral Home on them.

Photoshop, anyone?!?!

Ha ha ha!

In the end, I gave my son a dose of "real life."

Me: "Sorry, sweetie. We can't afford it.
I know you're disappointed and I am, too.
But, we need to come up with another plan.
How about a bowling party?!"

Jensen: "I want Chuck-E-Cheese."

Well, FAN-Stinkin'-TASTIC.

Someone kill me now!
(Just run me over with a LIMO! I can give you the numbers!)