Therapy update....

So, while I was in Tulsa, the therapist called my house. She said she had not returned my hubby's phone call because she did not have a signed release from me that she could speak to him about me. Well, that's all good and fine, but she also didn't even bother to return his call and tell him that and find out what he even wanted....because he called to apologize, not talk about me. So, I think that was a big "cop out."
But, whatever!


But in her message, she said, "I have you penciled in for next week and I'm willing to talk to you."


Well, honestly, I didn't know how to interpret this.


First, she had said she wouldn't see me until school started and now she has me penciled in at my normal time. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not. (as I previously discussed here)


So, after much thought...I decided to go. But, it took me until right up to the last minute. In fact, I almost chickened out a few times and didn't go. I just didn't want to have to deal with it. But, I decided I better do it. So, I went.


I was so nervous, I was panicked. I had no idea what she'd say or what I'd say, but I knew I was still angry with how she had treated me....when what happened was out of my control!


So, I walked right in and I said, "Well, I was very surprised to hear you had me penciled in for today."


And, she actually looked surprised.


I don't know if it was that she had forgotten what she had originally said or if she was surprised I was standing up for myself. After all, one of the big issues we have been dealing with is in regard to my inability to stand up to my mother-in-law for all these years.


So, I guess thru my anger with her and my trust in her broken, I felt like I had nothing to lose. So, I said what I really wanted to say..... (have you noticed I am doing this alot lately???)


I told her that I could not control what happened. I also told her that I could not guarantee that it won't happen again. I told her, in the news business, it's always unpredictable. And if something happens, such as a plane crash or severe weather....Big Daddy will be at work and I will be at home with the kids. And it will be a last minute change that neither he, nor I can control.


I told her to charge us for the missed appointments if she likes. (to which she responded, well, I won't this time since we had not previously discussed it.)


Well, I said, "Charge us if you wish."
(seriously, don't do me any favors that you'll hold over my head at a later time......)


I told her to quit asking us to get a babysitter every week, because it is not going to happen.


I told her that I knew people probably try to bs her every day.....but I wasn't one of them. I am committed to therapy. And my husband is committed to getting me there. She questions my hubby's commitment to my therapy. But, she's wrong. He's behind me 110%.


And then I told her that I did not appreciate her "tough love" approach and that she had hurt my feelings. I said, "I'm a girl with trust issues and by hurting me, I didn't know if I could continue to trust her." I told her that in response to what had happened that I went into a panic in regard to my therapy with her, because I felt like things had been progressing so well, I was very frustrated and panicked that I had disappointed her. I also felt that now I didn't know if we could move past all this mess and trust her again not to hurt me. I felt she had given me a "verbal spanking" because I was a "bad girl." Isn't that just weird?! But, that's how I felt.


I was really proud of myself for not backing down.


She was shocked to hear how strongly I had reacted to what had happened. (See, she still doesn't really know me at all!! Anyone that knows me KNOWS that I generally have strong reactions to situations like this!! Read: Drama Queen!!)


Well, I eventually agreed to try to work it out. I don't want to run away at the smallest little bump in the road.
And I think she understands a bit better where I am coming from.............maybe............


And, in this little town....it's not that easy to just "find a new therapist." But, I'll tell you, this is her 2nd chance with me. And if it doesn't go well, there will not be a 3rd chance.


What pi$$es me off the most...is I had to PAY for 1/2 and hour of therapy just to deal with what happened!
I definitely think you should have to PAY for dealing w/ crap that the therapist caused!!!!


Oh, well. It was clear when we tried to move on to something else, that I was having trouble trusting her. I was not open like I usually am. I was having trouble talking about things. It sucked. And I hope it gets better. Very soon.

Class of 1987 Rules! UPDATE!!!

Union High School

Class of 1987 RULES!!!!


This was my name tag. Don't laugh too hard at my Senior Picture! We were laughing because the hair of all the girls wouldn't fit in the frame!

It was definitely big 80's hair!!!!


This ice sculpture totally Rocks!!!!

Isn't it pretty? This was the centerpiece of the hoers derves table on Friday night. I joked with Michele, that the price of our 2 tickets at $100 each probably paid for this ice sculpture! Although, I'm sure it was expensive, it was cool!
(no pun intended.....)



Speaking of cool...... This is me and my BFF, Michele!

Michele is totally cool! She and I have been best friends since elementary school....she grew up right down the street from me. She is the only person I have truly kept up with out of those who I grew up with.


Let me tell you about her. She's sweet, kind and loyal. She's super funny! She remembers EVERYTHING!!!! (which is a good match for me, who can't remember a lot of things--even things I should remember.) Seriously, if I need to know anything...I call Michele, because she probably knows.


Michele has been married for 19 years to Brent and she has 3 beautiful girls....2 of them being teenagers! Eeek! She lives in Olathe....which luckily, isn't too far from Topeka!


Down thru the years, things haven't always been easy for Michele and Brent, but these two are steadfast in their love and they are 2 of the most positive and resilient people I know. And Michele never, ever gives up! She inspires me to be better.


I absolutely love this girl and I'm honored to call her my friend.



So, this is me and my friend Brad.....

Brad lived across the street from me growing up. He was the hot, tall, very cool basketball star! When he first moved into our neighborhood....everyone was totally in *love* with him, including ME. But, somewhere along the line (like my Junior year) that changed and I was no longer infatuated with Brad, we just became closer and closer and he and I became more like brother and sister. (but all my friends and pretty much every other girl in my class was in *love* with him. And who could blame them? He was definitely a hottie! (and still is.....)

***side note: at the 10 year reunion, he was not married and he was voted the Most Eligible Bachelor!!***


So, Brad taught me how to shoot hoops. He taught me to play HORSE and he even let me win from time to time. He helped me perfect my *signature* backward shot from the bottom of the driveway. (Believe me, I had no idea how useful this would be in impressing guys while in college!!!!) Thanks, Brad!! :-)



It's been a while since I had seen Brad.....and I was SO HAPPY to give him a great big hug!!!! He and I have always kept in touch and seen each other over the years, but I hadn't been able to see him since I moved to Georgia....but we have kept in touch on the phone.

More on Brad in a minute....along w/ his family......


This is me, Michele and our friend Nelson!

Nelson is one of the most positive and happy people I have ever met! He is so funny and full of love! He lived in our neighborhood and we grew up together, as well. He was always such a good friend. It was great to see him and meet his family!


His wife, Jennifer, is beautiful! He has two handsome teenage boys (who are incredibly somehow bigger than him!) and a princess daughter who's not much older than my daughter. They all had fun playing in the sprinklers at the park.....

And this is Adam R w/ Nelson. They were good friends and did gymnastics together. Adam is now a commercial airline pilot.



This is Steve. He grew up at the other end of my street and we've know each other since 2nd grade!

It was nice to see him. Steve lives in Arkansas and he has worked for Wal-Mart for like 18 years. During that time he had advanced to the head of public relations for Wal-Mart and had the opportunity to work with many famous people. It was cool to hear his stories. He recently left Wal-Mart for a new and different opportunity. His wife is really sweet and he seems very happy......and that makes me happy for him!


(The funny thing about Steve and I is this. When he was the manager of the Wal-Mart in Tahlequah I ran into him one day. Well, long story short, we hung out and ended up making out! Ha! Ha! I hadn't seen him in years! How embarrassing!! Of course, neither one of us mentioned that at all!!! Ha ha ha!!!!!!)


The energy on Friday night was awesome! There was literally excitement in the air!! I saw and talked with so many people, it was two hours before I even made it in the door of the room!!!


After the reserved hotel time was finished at 11pm....a group of us were invited to Mike G's new bar that's opening up at the end of the month. It was a private party, since the bar cannot exchange money because of the "permits." Anyway, Michele, Christy and I were not drinking (well, diet coke and water....) so we were just hanging out, talking and watching others make fools of themselves....... Parts of it were funny...but parts of it were just sad. I'm just glad we weren't doing it, too.


We saw someone bow to "peer-pressure" and take a shot he didn't want to....and immediately puke.



We saw two people making out at the bar....than move the "party" to the bathroom. And within 5 minutes...they got "busted" by someone who actually needed to use the bathroom.


It was so hilarious! P and H were both people we knew who they were, but we weren't friends with them in high school. Anyway, P and H were making out on the bar stools. Then H told P to follow her into the bathroom and he did. Then, Jeff went to use the facilities and came flying outta there laughing his butt off and saying, "whoa...do not go in there!" Three minutes later, here came P flying out of that bathroom with a BRIGHT RED FACE!!!! HA HA HA!!!! But, the girl, H, didn't come out for another 20 minutes. And when she did.... she gave us the dirtiest looks....which only cracked us up more! WHATEVER....like it was us making out in the bathroom!!!



This behavior only continued the rest of the night, even down to when we left and P and H were making out in their car!


So, after Friday night I learned:

• Sadly, some things never change.
• I guess some people are never going to grow up.
• I guess there will always be cliche's at the class reunion.
• Some people will always bow to peer pressure.
  
• I guess some people will never realize that driving drunk is a realllllly bad idea. I can't believe how irresponsible a group of people who are almost 40 can be.

~SATURDAY PICNIC~


Saturday at Noon we had a picnic at Hunter Park. It was really fun to see everyone's kids and watch them play together!


Here's Brad with his wife Shandra and baby girl, Emerson. Isn't she a sweet baby girl. I'll have to admit it...I hogged that baby and loved her up! She's such a beautiful baby!!!


I am so happy for them, to see my childhood friend as a
Father and Husband...really warms my heart!


My kids really enjoyed the sprinkler park, too!

Jensen

Griffin

Marinne

Logan


We didn't think our old friend Katina was going to come...so I was super happy when she showed up at the picnic. Michele, Katina, Dana and I used to be our "group." We went out to lunch together everyday....running around trying to go eat and get back to school on time! Our favorite past time was jammin' to ZZ Top at the top of our lungs and doing air guitar in the car! We always had a great time!! (don't laugh at us because we are lame.....) Anyway, it was so nice to see her. She has 2 teenagers and she's a single mom. She didn't come Saturday night because she had a HOT date! You go girl!!!

So, here we are.... Christy, Michele, Katina and myself at the picnic! I think we all look pretty darn good for almost 40!!!


~Saturday Night~

This is my friend, Janie. Isn't she just a doll?!

We actually weren't really friends in high school. I guess we just didn't really cross paths. That happens alot when you go to a large high school. I knew who Janie was, though, because we had a mutual friend named Lisa.


At the 10 year reunion, I saw Janie and I honestly didn't recognize her. She had lost alot of weight. (you see, in high school she was a little fluffy.......and believe me, I'm not judging her, just pointing out how great she looks now!!)


At the 10...she was single and a flight attendant. We enjoyed talking and becoming friends. We promised we'd keep in touch, but within a matter of weeks.....we lost touch again.


Well, a few weeks ago, I got an email from Janie. She wanted to be sure that I was going to the 20 year reunion. And I was really happy to hear from her.


Well, she's been married now for 9 years on Aug. 1st to a terrific guy named Louis and she has 2 gorgeous little boys! She's no longer flying and she's now a stay-at-home mom and she's so happy! I was really happy to hear about her life!


We spent a lot of time hanging out both days....and she stayed out with me until 5am on Saturday Night/Sunday Morning.



This is my friend Shannon. She's adorable!

She's an artist. She's always been such a free-spirit. The kind of girl you want to be like....unafraid to do anything. I loved hearing about Shannon's family. I enjoyed telling Shannon about my "artist" Jensen and hear her advice about how to encourage him in developing his art skills.


We enjoyed laughing about Shannon going over to Brad's house when she had a crush on him and Brad's mom saying, "Hey Brad, that girl with the combat boots is outside!" Ha ha!! Like I said, she was a free spirit...and unafraid. I love that about her!!



This is me and Jimmy! Isn't he such a cutie?!?!

And he looks EXACTLY the same.....

Not only were Jimmy and I friends in school, but we grew up going to church camp together, as well. He and Paul G. and Jock D. were the 3 hot guys that hung out together and EVERY SINGLE GIRL was in love with one of them! (But, seriously, can you blame us? I mean...look at him!!!!)


The first night, Jimmy had a little too much fun, so the poor baby was still nursing a major hangover in this picture!


I enjoyed hearing about Jimmy's children and his wife was such a sweetie! Jimmy's an attorney now...so I guess I know who to call when I need legal advice!!! Ha ha ha!

This is Jamie. She's so funny! We went to high school, church camp and college together. We have had some really fun times together. And I just love her confidence!

She's married now and has 2 kids. She lives in OKC and works at a bank.


This is myself, John L. and Janie. John came *dressed* for the 80's! He bought this wig and then took it and had it cut into a mullet!! HILARIOUS!!! (By the way, nice Led Zeppelin t-shirt!)

John is *hilarious*....seriously the life of the PARTY!! He went to college with me too and was always having these massive Pi Kappa Alpha Frat parties at his house. We had some fun times at his house.....ah, those were the days....


This is Todd Cotten. He's a musician and a darn good one, too!

He played a few sets at the Saturday night event. It was the best part. He kinda saved the day......

You see, we had hired a DJ and had kareoke, but lightning hit the transformer and the hotel was not able to dim the lights, so we could have our "mood lighting" for the dance. So, people didn't want to dance.... Believe me, we tried to get them to do it, but with the lights on full.....people were just embarrassed or whatever..... I guess still worried about what people think, which to me, is so stupid! But, anyway, that's what happened.


So, back to Todd. He was great! I really enjoyed it. I had no idea he was so talented. He played some older stuff and he played some current stuff.


Todd came down from Toledo, Ohio. He brought his super-cute girlfriend, Tenley. She was such a sweetie!!


Here's Todd's website....go check it out!!



This is another cute group pic......

Shawn H, Me, Michele and Nelson.....


You've seen everyone in the pic already, except Shawn H. He's such a great guy! I enjoyed hearing what's been up with him. Michele got to spend a long time catching up with him!!!



This is Brad's wife, Shandra. Isn't she gorgeous?!

I had wanted to meet Shandra for quite a while now. As soon as I saw her I gave her such a great big hug!! She is just a beautiful person, inside and out! Brad's a very lucky guy!!!


Shandra took this picture of Brad and I. It's a really good one. Brad, Shandra, Michele, Steve, Shannon, Scott S., Scott A. and I were sitting around reminiscing about old times and teasing Brad about his questionable prom date choice......and laughing!! Man, that was funny! I was teasing Brad about having to push down his date's hair so I could be seen in the picture.
Ha ha ha! But, it was true!!!


(Well, I tried to find the pic of Brad, his date, me and my date, Matt in front of Brad's house, but this was all I could find.... anyway, once I found my prom pic....I had to post it!)


Shannon claims he broke the hearts of every girl in our class with the questionable prom date choice....and he DID!!!!


Good Times!!!!


I remember when we turned 16 (Brad is 2 weeks younger than me) and he got his suh-weet Porsche. (yep, his dad got him a red Porsche and it was awesome!) Well, that night, he loaded me up in his new car and took me to 31st Street, where he floored it....taking us from 0-60 in like 3 seconds!!! Seriously, my head slammed into the headrest and it was so exciting!!


Good thing he took me out that night, because the Porsche was only his for about 3 weeks.....since he got 4 speeding tickets in that time. (hmmm.....wonder why?!?!) Ha ha ha!!!


These are some of the cheerleaders from high school. I'm not going to say anything bad about them, they were all very sweet to me at the reunion and I liked them all in high school. But, to understand this next story....I had to show this picture.....

So, in high school, my friend Janie tried out for cheerleader every year! She could do everything these girls could do....but because she wasn't just the right "type," she never made the squad.


So, Janie, being as drunk as she was, had just enough courage to walk up to these girls and tell them how hard it was for her in high school and how she always felt like a failure since she never made the squad. And how they always made people like her feel inferior.


Then, she challenged them to a contest.....a "splits" contest.....she said, "I can still do it, can you?" Not one of the cheerleaders (who were as drunk or more drunk than Janie would do it.)


But, Janie didn't back down. Yep, she said, "Roxann, please hold my drink." Then, she handed me her purse, then took off one strappy sandal, then the other strappy sandal and handed me those as well. And as about 25 people watched in the hotel bar....Janie took her stance and..........BAM........

SHE DID THE SPLITS!!!!!!!!


Everyone in the entire bar was cheering, whistling and laughing!
It was hilarious!!!


Afterwords, Jane told me, she had to do it. She had to prove that she had the athletic skill, they just wouldn't give her a chance because she wasn't the perfect "stereotype."


And haven't we all felt that way in high school?!?!



So, after people started leaving the hotel....we all went back to Mike G's bar again. It was the same fun as the night before, but we had some different people that came this night, as well......

Michele and I

Christy and I --- Michele and Christy were good friends in high school, but honestly, we weren't really friends. But, I gotta tell you, this girl is awesome!!! She is freaking hilarious!!!!! But, not only that, she is practically a saint!


She is raising her sister's 2 grandsons, since her sister's death. The parents of the boys were not appropriate parents, so Christy did what she needed to do to get these boys thru the court system and now she is raising them. It even broke up her marriage, but she kept on.


Now, I am here to tell you that this girl knows what the meaning of family is and she's given up much to "do the right thing."


She inspires me so much....to do more....to do better....to be a better person. Christy, you are AWESOME!!!! I so enjoyed seeing you and getting to know you so much better! Now, I know why Michele loves you so much! And I am glad to call you my friend!!!

This is Shana and I. I didn't know her in high school, but she, Michele, Christy and I had a really long conversation. She is so sweet!!! I really enjoyed getting to meet her.....

Janie and Mike G.


When we finally left the bar it was after 3am, then Michele, Janie and I sat out in the parking lot and talked till almost 5 am!!

All and all---the reunion was a blast! I had so much fun. I hope we have a 25 year.....instead of waiting till 30!!!

Weigh In Saturday.....Quickie Update!!!!!

So, even though I didn't come rolling in from the re-union festivities until 2:45am.....I still got up and I was at Weight Watchers for my weigh-in at 8:30am.


And I am super glad I went because I lost.....


drumroll, please....


another 4.2lbs this week!!!! Woo Hoo!


So, for those keeping track, I am down 10.6lbs in
3 WEEKS!!!!!


(and on a funny side note...the girl that weighed me in, took one look at me and said, "I know I know you!" Turns out it was one of my Delta Zeta sorority sisters from like 17 years ago!!! SMALL WORLD!!!)


Well, I will update tomorrow....I'm off to shower....shave my legs and get ready for tonight!!! Plus, now I takes me 20x as long to get ready because....I cut all my hair off and I have super bad hairdrying skills. Hairdryers and I....well, it's not a good relationship.

But, I am sure glad you got me a new one Sherry...because I need it now!!!

Class of 1987 RULES!!!!

Hi!

I'm in Tulsa for my class reunion weekend! Obviously, I came down early to hang out w/ my daddy and favorite step-mom!

I'll be posting when I return home if I don't have a chance to do it now.....

Talk to you Sunday or Monday....

Roxann :-)

An open letter to my therapist.... **RE-EDITED**

Dear Ms. xxxxx....

I'm sorry I had to cancel my therapy appointment at the last minute. My husband's job is very demanding and there are many things about his job that are out of his control. He works in news.....most of his job is unplanned!!


In addition, in a management position, his responsibilities are often to higher-ups who are headquartered in another city. This provides extra scheduling challenges. A conference call scheduled by someone other than himself, cannot be avoided from time to time. Yes, he should have called me, but he forgot. He's human. There have been times in the past when I have forgotten appointments I have had. In fact, I did it only 3 weeks ago to my primary care doctor. It was an accident. I didn't mean to do it. It just happens sometimes. People are not perfect. And that's ok.


I know you have felt like, at least in the beginning, that my husband wasn't committed to me making my therapy appointments happen by watching the kids. I know that first appointment, he panicked when Marinne threw up and called and asked me to come home. He relies on me and that's ok. I told him that therapy was a priority and I wasn't leaving. That's the way we do things. WE CO-PARENT. We are a team. I help him and he helps me. If he could, he would come home every time we had sick kids to help me. But that isn't realistic and I know it.


He knew it too, he just panicked. He's not used to having to deal with a sick 2 yr. old on his own. And when I said no that I wasn't coming home, he sucked it up and dealt with it. He did fine.


But, your judgment today tells me you are still holding this against him. We moved on....but did you? Because I have been seeing you consistently for many weeks now, without fail. This has ONLY happened because of his support. It's not easy for him to just up and leave when it's not even his actual lunch hour.......this takes planning and sacrifice on his part to make it happen. And I appreciate him for making it happen.....


I know I missed last week. But, I called you as soon as I knew I was going to have to miss because of his meeting. I called before 8am. You were not there. I left you a message. You did not call me back to discuss it with me. This meeting was, again, out of his control.


My husband feels terrible. He is very upset. He's sick to his stomach because he is afraid he disappointed me. And I am not mad at him. (In fact, I think he would feel better if I was mad at him and yelled at him) But I won't, because I am realistic. Again, his job is very demanding. And things happen. Schedules change. It happens.


Bottom line, he is the bread-winner for this family. If he doesn't do his job, he gets fired. If he gets fired, it would be disastrous for this family.


Quite frankly, I believe your judgment of us was harsh. You said that maybe once school starts...I could make it to therapy. Well, Pat, that was just mean. I am committed to this. But, in the real world, things happen. You make it sound like I don't care. Even more than that, you make it sound like my husband doesn't care and that is not true. Unfortunately, it was just bad luck that we had two last minute things that caused us to cancel two weeks in a row.


If you need to/want to...charge us for the appointments. Again, we could not help it.


I guess what is upsetting me the most is the irony of it all.....I have trust issues. And now, because of your harsh words, I am now having serious anxiety. And now, I will have trust issues with you. Are you trying to give me a dose of "tough love?" Because that doesn't work with me. It just makes me wonder when you will hurt me again.


Although, I understand your side, I feel you are being quite harsh and not very understanding. I feel a little betrayed by you. Am I overreacting? I don't know. But, it's how I feel. I am in a panic. Because you are mad with me (or maybe more with my husband.) Will we be able to get past this? I don't know.


You keep mentioning hiring a babysitter. That's all good and fine, but I already pay you $20 a week in co-pay. Then, a babysitter would cost another $10/hr., which would be about $15 once you factor in driving time. That's $35. Now, although I feel that therapy is worth the money....but that's also $140 a month. And where we would get that in our budget....I don't know.


In addition, we only have 1 babysitter. And when the kids go back to school, so will the babysitter. So, really that solves nothing. And I'm not about to leave my children with some stranger....just to make it to therapy. No one can take care of our children better than my husband and I. So, that's why we try to take care of it ourselves. In the 6 months we've lived here in Kansas, we have only had a babysitter 2 times. And the last sitter, although she came highly recommended, was HORRIBLE. But, this shows how infrequently we leave our children.


So, my husband asked me if it would help if he calls and apologizes to you. I don't know if it will or not.


So, where do we go from here? I don't know. I honestly don't know if I can trust you again. You really hurt my feelings. And it's been your job to talk me thru all this anxiety. And now you're causing it.


I guess it only proves your human too.


Sincerely,
Roxann


---------------------------------------------
edited to add....

Basically what happened is... Ike had a conference call that went into the time when he comes home so I can go to therapy. He was on the conference call w/ his boss (the general manager) and some big wigs....when he sees the time and realizes it's Tuesday and it's 11:05am and he was supposed to be home 20 minutes ago.

Meanwhile at home, as the time ticks on...it's getting closer to 11am and I am getting ready to go. I am sitting and waiting for him to get here at 10:50am. I knew something was "wrong" because he's been her every week to let me go. And usually he's early.

So, by the time it hits 11am....I haven't heard from him and he wasn't here. I knew something was "wrong."

I then called the therapist to let her know, because even if he showed up right now....I was already late, not including drive time, checking in and paying the co-pay, etc. So, I decided to go ahead and call her. When she answered I said, "I'm sorry to cancel at the last minute, but I guess I won't be able to come today. I don't know where my husband is. He didn't show up at home and I haven't heard from him. Something must be going on."


Well, she responds by "huffing" at me, like the sound of disgust.


So, I say again. "I'm so, so sorry. I just don't know what's going on.... It's just not like him to not call if somethings changes. I really am sorry."


So she says, "Well, I guess you need to consider hiring a babysitter or something so you can actually make it to therapy."


(I can tell by the tone of her voice she is mad.)


And just then the call-waiting goes off.


So, I ask her to hold on for a second. Ike sounds panicked. He says...."I'm on a conference call w/ my boss and I just realized what time it is....Did you call and cancel?.....I'm so sorry.....I'll come home right now.....My boss is telling me to go on home....."

So, I say. Hold on...it's too late. Stay there. She's already on the other line. I told her I didn't know where you were. I already cancelled and she's mad. Go back to your conference call and call me when your done.


So, I click back over to the therapist, who continues to act irritated with me. She says, "Well, if I figure out anything for your babysitting situation, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I'll see you when school starts."


I am stunned. I don't know what to say. So, I say, "Ok." and I hang up the phone.


So, about 20 minutes later. Ike calls me back.


He says, "I'm so sorry, would it help if I call and apologize to her?"


So, I say....I don't know...but it couldn't hurt. She says she won't see me until school starts...so I can actually make it to therapy.


Ike says, "Oh, geez, I'm sorry." I respond by telling him I am not mad at him. I know things happen. No biggie.


And, I really am not mad at him. I'm just realistic. He feels bad enough without me adding anything to it.


Now....all that being said. I understand her side, as well. When you have an appointment, the expect you to show up. Last week, I had to cancel because Ike had a conflict come up. I called as soon as he knew and told me, before 8am. And actually, I had a migraine that morning from all that crap I had eaten the day before for that diabetes test. (the migraine was most likely caused by the caffeine in the Cokes I drank w/ lunch the previous day)


I felt bad, but neither of us could change it.


Then, this week...well.....you read what happened. So, I can understand her being frustrated...but I think the way she dealt with it was unprofessional and unfair. Maybe I'm wrong.


Now...I should also say...just so you have all the facts....this woman IS NOT a doctor. She is just a licensed therapist with a social-work Masters degree.


Anyway, I feel like she tried to "punish" me like a 2 yr. old about something I could not control. And Ike messed up, he admits that. But, he couldn't control why he wasn't home, even if he had called me before the conference call started. I still would have had to cancel....and she would probably still be mad. I don't know. I just think the whole thing is bull.


Does that help clarify?

----------------------------------------------
Check the comments section for continuing conversation on this whole subject.

Here is what I posted there.....

I see some good points here...

Beth R...you give me WAY TOO MUCH credit! But, I love you for it!


Mandy...I wish you were here to give me one of your great big hugs!


Beth H....I bet you are right, if she had to cancel on me, she wouldn't blink an eye!


Jamie...I see your point. I've prepared for those classes you speak of and it's a lot of prep work. And when people don't come...it is very frustrating. Part of it is the desire to share our talents, but of course, there is the other side...of making money doing something we love.

But, I offered to pay for the missed appointments. So, isn't that probably what this is really all about? Money?

I actually think she doesn't know me well enough to "care" about me. Now, she might be "concerned" for my well-being, but it probably isn't any more than that.

The "problem" I have with her is her whole "attitude." Instead of just saying what's she's feeling...she "HUFFS AND PUFFS" and is PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE with me.

Geez...you would expect a therapist to be a little more straightforward and honest, wouldn't you? Isn't it her JOB to COMMUNICATE in an effective Manner?

Instead, she ACTS mad, but doesn't actually say that. And then, she "punishes" me. If she were actually concerned...she'd try to reschedule as soon as possible and find out "if something is going on" or if this was just a clear case of bad scheduling issues.

And we've had this "babysitting" conversation more than once. Bottom line...I have not found a babysitter that would work for this every Tuesday at 11am appointment. And she knows this. AND I REFUSE to leave MY CHILDREN with just anybody....and it that means that I have to "suffer" and miss therapy or whatever else...than so be it. I will not "settle" when it comes to the care of our children.


So, that's why Ike has been busting his ass to get home each and every time. And he has. And it hasn't been easy. And he hasn't complained, not even once.

But, these 2 situations were out of his control. But, he did mess up when he forgot yesterday...but it goes back to he's human.


Karen....I know you can understand the instability of the TV NEWS business. (Beth R, too)

It is what it is.

And I was very surprised w/ her harsh judgment of me based on something I COULD NOT CONTROL. And then her "punishment" of not coming back till school starts was mean in my book.

Does any of that makes sense?

July 18, 2007 11:28 AM

~~rox


******OH...and if this is about COURTESY******
(meaning, if it's inconsiderate to cancel an appt. at the last minute.....)

I'd like to point out...that I have been EARLY EVERY SINGLE WEEK and NOT ONCE has she been "on time" to come and get me for my appointment. I have been sitting and waiting on her past 11am every single time, which pushes our 1 hour to past 12pm. And then, Ike is even later getting back to work, even though he was home on time.

I have not complained to her about this...I just tried to be a little tolerant. Too bad she didn't employ that with me.


So...what do you think?


--------------------------------------------

Thanks Stacy and Jamie for the new comments.


I'm just gonna wait and see what happens. I am definately NOT going to quit going to therapy. It's been so good for me.
There have been so many changes in my life lately and therapy has been one of the things in the GOOD column!!!


I guess we'll just see how this plays out. I'll call and make an appointment and see what she does.


Ike called and tried to apologize, but he got her voicemail and she did not return his call. This says something to me.....



Plus...you should hear her voicemail message. It's VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. If you want to hear it for yourself...I'll give you the number....



Even all that said, I still like her and we were making good progress. If fact, the week before these two cancelled appts. I had even made her cry. (not sob, but tears) I think she was truly touched by what I was saying in regard to my rape and my response to it and my struggles regarding it.


Thanks again for all the input. I do appreciate you love, support, comments and criticism. It all helps.

xoxo
Roxann

Why are people so stupid???

So, this weekend while I was out and about....I saw 2 women who someone needs to slap the sense into! Why are people so stupid????


I went to the grocery store. And in the parking lot in the lane in front before the parking spaces start....I saw a guy w/ a 2 1/2 year old (based on his size/clothing) following behind, not being held on to. I thought....stupid, idiot dad!!! Well, the guy turned around, hearing the boy, and had a puzzled look on his face and KEPT ON GOING. Obviously, the kid didn't belong to him, but he LEFT HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!!!!!!!


Hello! He's 2 years old!! DO NOT LEAVE HIM IN THE STREET!!!


I know he doesn't belong to you.....
I know it's "not your job".......
I know you don't want to take the time to do it......

BUT TAKE THE CHILD OUT OF THE STREET AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET RUN OVER!!!!


Take 2 seconds and try to find his mother........


Ya know that saying, "It takes a village to raise a child?"
THIS is one of those times!!!!!


Anyway......within about a 2 minutes....out the door rushes a FRANTIC young mother (about 25 yr. old) and she runs out the door of the store, scoops up the child and begins to YELL AT HIM!!!


Ok.....I know you are upset he got loose. Scared. Relieved. Worried about what could have been. But for goodness sake girl, you must not have been holding him. And a 2 year old is WAY TOO YOUNG to "know better" or to be responsible for his actions. He sees something interesting and he's gonna go "check it out." He knows no danger!!!!! It's YOUR JOB to make sure he's safe and not wandering in the street at the grocery store!!! Yell at yourself, lady!!!!


Then, while I was at the mall yesterday shopping. They were having a "sidewalk sale," so there were lots of "things" out to look at in the hallways at the mall.


Well, there was a boy of about 3 years old and he was perusing the table in front of the Hallmark store. NO mother in sight. I stopped and watched him as he picked up breakable after breakable....still wondering where this child's parent is. I am scanning to see....who could be this kids mom..... but everyone is too far away to be his mom. Well, I was wrong.


THREE STORES AWAY and still walking was a woman probably in her early 40's pushing a wheelchair which most likely contained her mother. And she has not noticed the boy is not with her. As I stood their watching w/ my mouth gaping open....I see the tons of people walking by....any one of them could have snatched this kid,
time and time again!


Finally, at store FOUR AWAY....she realizes little Jacob isn't w/ her. And she stops and yells at him. (because, after all, it's not her fault)


And this continues all the way from the center of the mall down to Macy's. Never once did she ask him to hold a hand. Not once did she put him on gramma's lap in the wheelchair. Not once did she have him "help" push the wheelchair. I was worried for his safety.


So, as we get into Macy's. The child stops to look at the perfume bottles just inside the door of Macy's. He's picking them up, one by one. Smelling. Looking at them........and the mom
IS STILL GOING......and is far away from him.


Anyone coulda snatched that child and been GONE!!!!


And again, she YELLS AT Jacob and he runs to her.


STUPID, STUPID WOMAN!!!!!


Now, I know I can be "overprotective" but just the thought that "I" could have been a "bad guy" and could have snatched that child up numerous different times, makes me feel ok about being a little "overprotective." I would just die if something happened to one of my children. Especially if it was my fault.


And I know that accidents can happen. Even the most vigilant mother can turn her head for a moment and it drastically change your life in a horrible way. It happens everyday.


But, it really bothers me when parents are blatently being irresponsible.


I told the News Director about what I had seen and how much it upset me. And his response was.....
Well, those are the type that when their kid is kidnapped, and we interview them they say "....we don't know how this could have happened to us...."


Then, he said...it's sad that ANYONE can have a child....you have to have a license to hunt, but anyone can have a child.

And of course, the ND hates stupid people!!!


And, I do too!

Ha...it's a MIRACLE!!!

I LOST ANOTHER 1.8 lbs.

It's the weekend.....

Hey everybody!!!!
It's Friday, well for me, technically Saturday, as it's 12:28am!!


Random thoughts:

• I have the WW weigh-in in the morning. Due to unforseen circumstances....it will either be very bad, or possibly decent since I kicked butt today and yesterday not even using all my points!! (but I sit here typing and hungry... that's the problem w/ staying up late!! Bummer!!)

• I went to Hobby Lobby to get the 2 new Love, Elsie lines, Lola and Riley, that were only released to HL. They are there...but the manager says she has no idea when they will have the time to get them out. Um....hey dumb manager....I am a customer wanting to buy both lines.....SELL THEM TO ME EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO GO GET THEM OUT OF THE DANG BOX RIGHT NOW WHILE I WAIT!!!!!!! I was frustrated!!!

• I scrapped the cutest dang layout when I got home tonight. It was the other Pumpkin Patch layout. I am very happy with it. I hope to picture and post it tomorrow.

• And for some shocking news.....my 20th class reunion (high school...dang I'm not THAT old!!!) is next weekend. I am really starting to freak about what I am going to wear! I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I just want to go and look the best I can and feel comfortable in what I wear. KWIM? So, I am going to be hitting the mall all weekend! Wish me luck!

• I took Logan out w/ me tonight. He is really a great kid. I took him to Starbucks. We ordered him a blueberry white tea and it was quite good. Just the slightest hint of blueberryness!!! Yum! And I got a carmel frap light w/ no whip (waaahh...I REALLY wanted whipped cream...) but I was a good girl. I think it's like 4 points....(oh, I gotta go write that down!!!)

• So, my step-mom called me and told me that she's decided I need to enter the Creating Keepsakes Scrapper of the Year contest. She's CONVINCED I can win. Hold on a sec.... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Good one!!!! Yea, right! But, thanks for the vote of confidence, Janet. I love you for believing in me......

• Today overall sucked...... I'm cranky and crampy. (not crappy.....Beth!)
  
• Jensen woke up and was vom-ing and now he has the dina-rina! (as it's known in our house)
• The cat horked under the table during lunch....I made poor Logan clean it because I barely do kid puke....and I definately don't do ANYTHING that comes out of a cat!!!
• Marinne was cranky...let's hope she doesn't get it too!

Let's hope for a great weekend!!!

My latest scrapbooking layouts.....

So, I did a few layouts....

I'm working in Jensen's album, trying to get caught up. These are all from Fall of 2003.

This is the double-page spread. I wanted to use the Spongebob Paper, but I didn't want the layout to be a slave to it! I think it works!!

Here are the closeups of each page....

The "J" is new Sandylion. Have you seen these, they come in sheets of about 7 monograms. They are super-cute!


The journaling is done on my QuicKutz Silhouette, as weel as the stars!

--------->

The little girl with the pink bow is named Gentry. She was a doll! She was Jensen's first "girlfriend."

When asked why he liked her, Jensen said, "She has good hair!"
And, she does!!

This is a pocket-page holding his birthday cards and the gift list. I know it's kinda boring...
but again, I'm trying to get caught up!

And, yes, the bottom of it is not holding.... I used that Wacky-Tac stuff and I HATE IT! I'm out of my Pioneer Photo Tape that I love and that makes me in a BAD MOOD!!! So, I have to re-do that part.....great. It's still cute...


This is Jensen's 5th birthday picture....

...The "5" is a chipboard 5 which I covered w/ the turquoise card stock and then covered w/ Stickles. Turquoise on the top and Black on the edges. I think it turned out pretty good!


I think this one is super cute!
















I used some rub-ons that Sherry and I got at JoAnn's on clearance for the lettering. The Brothers is from an Art Warehouse rub-on set I bought from Amber at the last garage sale at Savannah Scrapbooking. Glad I had it, it was perfect. Perfect example of how one person's trash is another person's treasure! I had been dying to use it!


I used buttons from my box....I have lots of buttons, but I don't use them very often. I don't know why...I just don't. I like how they look here.

This is the first of 2 pumpkin patch layouts I have to do for this time-period. This is when I took the kids...a tradition we do every year.

The plaid base paper is another example of raiding the stash from 1982. (comment for you, Kerry, since you thought it was funny last time!) The diamond paper came in a paper pack I got for $2 at JoAnn's on clearance. It's CK paper. I made Sherry buy it because it was like 30 sheets of paper for $2. I never knew if we'd actually use it, but it was perfect for this layout. The other paper was a Karen Foster Pumpkin paper that was meant just to plaster your pic onto it. I hate that.
So, I cut that sucker up...
Fibers...so out now...but they work here. Letters cut on the Silhouette. And the rub-on is new...I think it's Fancy Pants! So cute!


Have you been scrappin' lately?

I am back under control!!!

Once I blogged about it....I was like....Girl, GET A GRIP!!!


So, today I have redeemed myself! Thank goodness!!!


As of now, I will have points left over by the end of the day!!!!


So, how are you guys?!

Self-Portrait Wednesday??

This is a Public Service Announcement:

If you see this girl, she may be Armed (with something sugary) and Dangerous (she started her period today!)


(I know, I know, TMI....but after the poop post...
I'm not sure that anything is more TMI than that!!!)


Do not be mislead by the broad smile and sweet looking disposition. This woman is a menace to society,
NO she's a MENACE TO HERSELF!!!


If you see her....please call
1-800-STOP HER
(yes, please....save me from myself!)


It's true, kids. Wake the neighbors! Alert the Media!
I am officially out of control!!!


So, it started out innocently enough, as most things do, but now I can't stop. So, here's the backstory.....

My insurance company is trying to deny that they need to pay for the diabetes classes and the nutritionist my doctor is trying to send me to. (Why do they always pull this crap?) So, when I found this out, I called my doctor and explained what I had heard. You see, the insurance is complaining that my diagnosis is unsubstantiated because I don't have enough blood test results to prove I am diabetic.

NOTE TO MY INSURANCE COMPANY:
Ok, now seriously you insurance people, do you really think I am trying to trick you into believing that I am a diabetic? Seriously? SER...I...OUS...LY?!?!


I mean, come on, who really wakes up one day and says, gee...I think I haven't had a good disease lately, so I think I'll try to get diabetes today. (Ok, ok....I know some people have that Munchausen's by Proxy thing.....but I DON'T HAVE THAT....
I HAVE DIABETES!!!!!!!!)



Get real people. I don't want this. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to worry that this diabetes could kill me. I don't want any of it. But the fact is...it here. I have it. And I need these damn classes. And I think you, my insurance company should have to pay for it. Isn't that what we pay for?! If not, what are we paying for?! And now that I am sick...it's all....we don't want to pay for your classes....talk about unfair!!!


So, dear insurance company.....YOU SUCK!!!!!

Ok, so anyway....when I call and talk to my doctor's nurse about this, she talks to him and he says, "Well, we can make sure you get the numbers you need. I want you to go on Monday, eat whatever you want for lunch, drink Coke and have dessert. Then, come let us test your blood....." OMGosh....he cracked me up!!!!
And I was looking forward to my "freebie" day....even if it did throw a little kink into my Weight Watchers thing!!


So, Monday comes and I go have my "prescribed" lunch. I go and the nurse pricks my finger (ouch!) and gets the number. She goes to check w/ the doctor, who is not around yet from lunch, so she sends me on my way. Then, about 3 hours later, she calls and tells me that they made a mistake and it was supposed to be a veinous draw. SO I HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!


Now, I know you're thinking....Yay! Do it again! Yum!
Well, normally, I'd be that way, too. But.....I am supposed to be on Weight Watchers. And I am doing well....so this REALLY screws things up!!!!


So, I did a repeat of the "prescription" for lunch Tuesday. And this time, got the right blood test. So, I'll get the results next week.


But, since I started today (a few days early, I might add).....well, it's pretty much, GAME ON!!!!!


Yep, I had a fat, juicy burger for dinner and chased that sucker down with a hot fudge sundae!!!!!!!
(How's that for a confession from the FUGITIVE?!)


And now, instead of kicking a$$ like I should be at my weigh-in on Saturday....it will suck!


I'm seriously gonna try to do better tomorrow....let's hope I have better luck than today!!!!